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| so havent slept today, perhaps an hour or two, but they woked me up when i was falling to sleep, hahaha.The funny thing about all is that when i dont rest i get a lot of energy, weird i know... other than that i been coughing like crazy.. their afraid it might be bronchities but ill be ok.... blah too tired nitenite | | |
| i really wish things were different... to wake up to a brand new day or may be a new begining away from pain and the drama... or always living in fear that in no time im going to see... that one person i fear the most around the corner here long beach... Now, i do know my new beginining began with my amazing husband... i love him and i trust him, and those who know me they know ill protect him from harm. At first i used to fear guys... walk alone or just the fact of going out brought chills to the bone, but with my husband is different his amazing and i love him dearly and i cant wait to be with him once i get out of the hospital... im trying and learning to move on, and his always there he always makes me feel better and manages to make me smile....
life is beautiful, but so complicated...
now i learned in life you dont get what u want, but you meet amazing people along the journey...
know i know that my real family r those among the best that have been there all the time...
my husband is my life, my joy, my universe... i am who i am because of him...
I truly love him... with my heart n soul forever and ever.... my hero my everything....
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| You’re nothing but a dirty old man
But I knew it was some sort of elaborate plan
Its okay but let me ask did I fulfill your needs
Sure it doesn’t matter that you made me bleed
Did it feel good to use me like I was just a piece of dirt?
Use those lines all you want there’s no need to flirt?
Tell me you love me while you take it all away
Cos I still wont believe a single word you say
I remember telling you no and go away too
But apparently it wasn’t up to me it was up to you
Tell me I’m a good girl and how good I was
How there is no need to make such a fuss
And though I still cry in my sleep and feel the pain
And I think of killing you when I hear your name
And I never felt so disgusted like I haven’t bathed in years
But I must thank you for making me realize my fears
Before I wasn’t scared and believed I was unbeatable
But thanks to you, you showed me that I’m vulnerable
It’s funny how easily I can be broken like a piece of glass
How slowly in a moment like that time will pass
But I look at you now and you’re nothing but scum
You have no money, no house, no friends, or fun
So even though I’m scarred and the pain will never heal
At least in the torment you live in right now is real
Your 28 years old and you’ve done nothing with your life
No kids, no relatives or even a loving wife
Makes me laugh because I realize how sad it must be
To know the only thing you accomplished in doing is me
I'll live my life to the full and have a smile on my face
I'll wipe you off my mind and leave you alone in this place
I don’t feel sorry for you or how you find it hard to survive
Cos you stopped me from living a normal life
So cry in front of me and beg for mercy
I wont show it to you, someone so unworthy
I'll ignore the pain and the tears you cry
And don’t you dare ask me why
Cos put it simply my darling so you could understand
Go back to memory lane and press rewind
Remember my face, remember the untouched version
But from meeting you my attitude has worsened
I’m no longer the innocent girl you once knew
I’m sorry ***** if you still don’t have a clue
I’m saying you’ll get no mercy from me
Cos where was it when I asked for it.. | | |
| I know something is so wrong with my husband.... my heart is screaming to the top of my lungs that his not doing okay n im so far away. I told him and all he ever told me, i need u with me. i wish to be there with him and if they dont put me to sleep im leaving the hospital and i dont care about the complications i hate to know his okay n i feel his avoiding the question...... my heart is totally sinking n i dont know what to do.... would i find anything searching online for hospitals near him and start to call. i love him and ill die if something bad happens to my beloved husband. i cant fall to sleep i cant the more i wait for his reply the more sure i am that his not okay`... i hate to be here in the hospital... i hate being useless... i hate myself for leaving him alone. i will die if something bad happens to my husband. im going so crazy right now.... sigh :[ | | |
| Well today I feel kinda ke crap, but I'm not complaining. haha. besides being in the hospital as days go by it seems forever... theirs times that I think, "How much longer? what else do they want from me?" But I have to keep strong... Now that I realized its kinda been a while since my last post... I been dealing with so much things right now, but i'll keep updating.... ^_^ so, coughing, sore throat, indicating I either have the damn flu or a respiratory infection something like that, haha whatever, it was worth it the 2 times i got to walk outside away from the room i was in for almost so long.... but eeh hope i get much better soon, kinda learned my lesson.. Although, i kow is going to be a challenge keeping myself away from infections since my immune system is going to be low for atleast 4months, sigh, but I'll work around my pets and keep home clean, cousins are helping me with that, so thats great, just hoping to go home soon. Hey follow me at twitter. www.twitter.com/mandy6666 | | |
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